6 ways to maintain a satisfying sex life
We’re all familiar with this storyline. Boy meets girl (or boy, no judgment here), boy falls in love with girl (it’s okay, she loves him too!), boy and girl spend the next few months making sweet sweet love while keeping tradition alive by asking ‘have you eaten?’ every three market days.
Typically, this is where the movie ends, the screen fades to black and we turn off our televisions satisfied because Hollywood/Nollywood have yet again left us with the very welcomed idea that love and sex are smooth sailing eternal bliss.
Which… it isn’t. See, love is sweet o. But ehn, what they don’t show us post end credits is that Boy and Girl both get 9/5’s so they can afford to get married. Which they do and end up having two, maybe three babies. If Boy and Girl happen to be Nigerians in Nigeria? Lmaooo, let’s add a few cousins and nieces to the equation. Before you know it, four years have passed and the last time they recall having sex, television was black and white (I joke, I joke, but you get the picture).
Thing is, it’s not talked about enough how much life can and will interfere with our love and sex lives. There’s a lot of intentionality needed to make sure you never lose touch of the people you were when your relationship was new and shiny, and the only complication in your lives was figuring out how to make the back seat big enough.
*Sigh* Fun times.
Good news is, it’s okay, things can get better… and they will. We’ve put together this little list to help you and your partner find your way back to Sexville (not a real place, unfortunately). We ask nothing in return, except that you raise a glass to us when you’re lying in bed with sex hair and a happy heart.
Be like Timberlake and bring the sexy back!
Feeling beautiful, sexy and confident will do more good for you and your spouse than the alternative. Invest time in looking and feeling good for yourself. Buy the clothes you saw at that store, bathe in the perfume that makes you feel alive, wear the lacy lingerie that’ll make your mother-in-law blush or those sexy briefs that accentuate your package in all the right ways. Energy is contagious. Get confident and comfortable in your skin and watch as your partner feeds off of it.
Baby steps…
When you’re going through a dry spell, initiating sex can feel like an impossible hurdle, especially if you’ve always relied on your partner to get things started. Get rid of this pressure by focusing on smaller acts of physical intimacy.
Skin-to-skin contact, whether it’s kissing, hand-holding, or even a massage, has a huge and beneficial impact on strengthening affection. Without the unneeded expectation that it ends with sex. Taking baby steps as you both get back into the rhythm of sexual activity is more very important. If nothing else, it’ll take you both back to simpler times, when sex wasn’t the be all and end all of intimacy.
It’s okay to go first
How bad do you want this? If the answer is what I think it is, then trust that it’s okay to take the lead. Everyone fears being turned down, I know. It’s an embarrassment that only the bravest people could ever recover from, I know. But taking the lead communicated one simple thing to your partner, “I want you”. And, of course, there’s nothing sexier than being wanted.
Waiting for your partner to initiate sex, even while you’re in a dry spell is so two thousand and late. If you’re typically the more submissive one, shake things up. Be a dom. Send them naughty texts while they’re at work, tease them with photos. Let them know you’re thinking of them even while you’re not together. It’ll make you feel in control, and make them happy beyond words.
What’s that thing they say about variety?
Ah yes, ’tis the spice of life. Quickies, 3-hour communions, lingerie, different positions, role-play… these are a few different ways you can sprinkle some variety on your sex-life. Salt-bae style. Doing it the same way for 5 years is bound to get a little routine. Add small egusi to the efo riro, now and again ehn.
Change your style…… Ehen, another one, but please don’t be like that
Foreplay becomes even more important as we age because our sexual response cycle slows down. It would require a lot more stimulation to get the same physical responsiveness as you did in the earlier days. Try to find out what your partners preferred sexual positions are, there is a possibility that it may have changed overtime. Here’s a few of ours:
- You can try ‘Enter the Place’; Just lie back with your legs resting on each of your partner’s shoulders. This sex position is awesome because when you raise your legs, it narrows the vagina and helps target your G-spot. Are you thinking of quickies? This works perfectly.
We know why we tagged this style by this name. Users discretion is advised because when a ‘Enter the place’ occurs without protection in *2face’s voice*, person fit go carry belle.
- One leg up; This involves standing on one foot, facing your partner and wrapping your other leg around their waist while they help support you. This sex position allows for quality face time and connecting.
- If you want the best of both worlds of penetration and stimulation. Try the Jagaban (We tagged it by this name because with this position, you dey do every every).
- Oya, lie on your right side; your partner kneels, straddling your right leg and curling your left leg around their left side. With this sex position, you get the deeper penetration of doggy style while still being able to make that important eye contact. Or, if penetration isn’t your thing, your partner can easily grind up against you stimulating your clit… You gerrit now? If you don’t gerrit, forget abourrit.
Thanks to the internet, you can research and find out more styles that will be appealing to you and your partner.
It’s game time!
If both of you are shy, start with playfully grabbing their crotch or spanking their butt. Try pillow fighting and watch how hot things get.
Do you want to see something almost holy? Just whisper, ‘Your pants are competing for your attention with me; could you take it off?’ Your partner will almost immediately, without hesitation and follow your lead.
Play the ‘consent game.’ All you need to do is tease your partner and ask, ‘Can I?’ You get to do this for every part of their body you touch. That’s a subtle way to kindle the fire of desire and foreplay simultaneously.
You can also try to switch ‘Roles’. If this doesn’t succeed in turning up the heat, it will surely make you both laugh.
If you both are the sweet tooth type, then get some candies and fruits for the ‘Sugar rush game’. All you need to do is to get your partner to blindfold you, have them place these sweeteners on their bodies while you use your tongue to trace their bodies for the candy. Sounds sweet, right?
You might also want to look out for signs when your partner might be overwhelmed and give them healthy space when necessary.
These tips work like fire but we also understand that you might need a little help or someone to talk to. At Amoto, we dey like to show love o, we have some good sabi folks you could talk to. Shoot us an email to book a session with one of our professionals.
Ensure to come back here on a thanksgiving spree in our comment section. Go spark up that boring sex life!
